The Suburban Sportsman

An urbanite friend recently asked, “What draws me to fishing?” His sarcastic tone indicated this inquiry was posed not only to get an answer, but also to allow him to illustrate how stupid he thought fishing was.

Seeing as I’ve answered this question hundreds of times, often asked to me by customers’ wives and girlfriends while working at Dave’s Bait and Tackle, I fielded a response quickly.

“Have you ever heard of monumentalism?” I returned. He looked confused, apparently not expecting my reply to include words other than “beer” and “fish”.

“No man, I haven’t,” he answered, a little put-off by the intellectual face-plant he just endured.

I explained to him that monumentalism is the belief that the beauty of the natural world surpasses anything created by man. Understanding architecture and art may make you more cultured, but being attuned with untamed wilderness connects you with the divine. To anglers, lakes are cathedrals. Muskies replace Matisses’. Fishing allows us the opportunity to enjoy wilderness without cultural filters. I can reach into a non-terrestrial world, and through my understanding of it, I am able to succeed. That is what draws me to fishing.

I smiled. I knew I had him. How can you argue with that answer? Game, set and match to the fisherman…

“Ice fishing.” He replied bluntly. “It’s winter. What draws you to ICE fishing?”

“Shit!” I thought to myself. This poses a much more complex issue. That momumentalism stuff is great reasoning during open-water, but ice fishing is another monster. I don’t disconnect from the modern world when I’m ice fishing. In fact, I do the exact opposite. I invest a lot of time and money to ensure that my ice excursions have all the conveniences of home.

Let’s see….

Digital Camera, check.

GPS, check.

Depth-finder, check.

Aqua-view, check.

Lantern, check.

Grill, check?

Generator??

Television?!?

I found myself in a panic. How could I let myself be stumped by a guy whose most masculine hobby is soccer? I quickly ran through my options, but nothing of any substance came to mind. Then I realized, nothing should come to mind.

Why does ice fishing need to have some deeper meaning? I just like doing it. I know it’s impractical, I know it looks ridiculous but I enjoy it. I can talk to my friends in the most unpretentious atmosphere possible and not worry about the repercussions of my uncensored thoughts. I can drink a Bud Light while simultaneously smoking a cigar and no one cares. It may not get me closer towards enlightenment, but ice fishing allows me to be me, unfiltered.

So to get back to his question of “What draws me to ice-fishing?”

“Beer and fish,” I finally answered. “Beer and fish.”