The Suburban Sportsman

Recently, Giants superstar receiver Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg while at a nightclub. As this story progressed, New York headlines transitioned from ‘Plaxico Shot’ to ‘Plaxico Suspended or the Rest of the Season’. Speculation over whether or not he would play with the Giants again became rampant as New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced his intent to prosecute Burress to the fullest extent of the law.

As a gun owner, and staunch advocate for gun rights, I believe that Burress should be made an example. His disrespect for the power of his handgun and the laws regulating its misuse, calls for the highest penalty. It is this small percent of gun-owners (mostly illegally) that tarnish the image of the responsible firearm owner. Hopefully people will react rationally to Burress’s actions, realizing that it was the individual, and not the firearm who was irresponsible.

I posted this comment on a New York Times article in December of 2008 and by now had thought that professional athletes would have realized the ramifications of improper gun safety. Well apparently, they haven’t.

Recently, Gilbert Arenas, who wears “0” on his jersey to spite all those teams who passed on him in the draft, brought guns into the Washington Wizards locker room, even pulling one on a teammate. Arenas now awaits sentencing from the NBA, the Wizards and the law…and I hope they come down on him HARD. With their complete disregard of firearm ethics, athletes like Arenas have helped turn an inalienable right into a scarlet letter.

I’m tired of having neighbors I’ve known for years glare at me when I’m carrying my shotgun or pistol from my car to my house. I don’t stare them down when they hop on their Jetskis, despite being nearly run over by hundreds of reckless boaters.

However, I understand people’s hesitation towards firearms. Just like any powerful tool, guns are dangerous when in improper hands. Additionally, people primarily hear about firearms when they are being mistreated or misused.

So I ask suburban gun owners, please introduce your neighbors to firearms – teach them to shoot, offer to bring them hunting. Make sure that their hesitation around guns is due to their respect for the weapon, not their fear of it. Show them that most of us are versed in the tools we use, and people like Arenas are the true zeros.

An urbanite friend recently asked, “What draws me to fishing?” His sarcastic tone indicated this inquiry was posed not only to get an answer, but also to allow him to illustrate how stupid he thought fishing was.

Seeing as I’ve answered this question hundreds of times, often asked to me by customers’ wives and girlfriends while working at Dave’s Bait and Tackle, I fielded a response quickly.

“Have you ever heard of monumentalism?” I returned. He looked confused, apparently not expecting my reply to include words other than “beer” and “fish”.

“No man, I haven’t,” he answered, a little put-off by the intellectual face-plant he just endured.

I explained to him that monumentalism is the belief that the beauty of the natural world surpasses anything created by man. Understanding architecture and art may make you more cultured, but being attuned with untamed wilderness connects you with the divine. To anglers, lakes are cathedrals. Muskies replace Matisses’. Fishing allows us the opportunity to enjoy wilderness without cultural filters. I can reach into a non-terrestrial world, and through my understanding of it, I am able to succeed. That is what draws me to fishing.

I smiled. I knew I had him. How can you argue with that answer? Game, set and match to the fisherman…

“Ice fishing.” He replied bluntly. “It’s winter. What draws you to ICE fishing?”

“Shit!” I thought to myself. This poses a much more complex issue. That momumentalism stuff is great reasoning during open-water, but ice fishing is another monster. I don’t disconnect from the modern world when I’m ice fishing. In fact, I do the exact opposite. I invest a lot of time and money to ensure that my ice excursions have all the conveniences of home.

Let’s see….

Digital Camera, check.

GPS, check.

Depth-finder, check.

Aqua-view, check.

Lantern, check.

Grill, check?

Generator??

Television?!?

I found myself in a panic. How could I let myself be stumped by a guy whose most masculine hobby is soccer? I quickly ran through my options, but nothing of any substance came to mind. Then I realized, nothing should come to mind.

Why does ice fishing need to have some deeper meaning? I just like doing it. I know it’s impractical, I know it looks ridiculous but I enjoy it. I can talk to my friends in the most unpretentious atmosphere possible and not worry about the repercussions of my uncensored thoughts. I can drink a Bud Light while simultaneously smoking a cigar and no one cares. It may not get me closer towards enlightenment, but ice fishing allows me to be me, unfiltered.

So to get back to his question of “What draws me to ice-fishing?”

“Beer and fish,” I finally answered. “Beer and fish.”